You go along day by day, being happy, loving, supportive, helpful to your friends, family and co-workers, and you think “I can handle this! I am a normal, undramatic woman. There are women out there who act crazy, but boy am I glad that I am not one of them …”
Overwhelmed! Needy! Upset! Crying for no reason! Stressed! Depressed! Ridiculous!
Well … you are a woman. Simple as that. You feel confused because life is great. You really have no reason for feeling this way. You are loved by many people. You feel like you should be the happiest you have ever been. There seems to be no connection to the hormonal calendar that people usually use as a write-off excuse. What in the world has happened?! You think: Do I have an anxiety disorder?! I feel crazy!
I have recently been reading the classic “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” – if you have never picked up a copy of this book, or scoff because it is so cliche and probably doesnt have anything of value in it … think again! It gives good descriptions of why men and women are the way they are. It is a fun read and you think “huh, this is funny and pretty true” until the “wave” crashes and you realize, Dr. Gray is a genius and he knows me better than I know myself.
The wave theory (as summarized on Wikipedia… probably by a man)
“The “wave” is a term Gray uses to describe a natural cycle for women that is centered around their abilities to give to other people. He claims that when they feel full of love and energy to give to others their wave is in a stable place. As they give to others (and don’t receive the same amount of love and attention given to them in return) their wave begins to grow until it eventually crashes. This is a time when a woman feels she has nothing else to give to those in her life and she needs the love of those around her (including self love) to help come out of this dark place. Gray holds that once she is rejuvenated (by getting the support she needs) she is able to pop out of this dark place and once again has love and energy to give.”
The next issue, which doesnt help much, is the next thought process. “I now recognize that I am being ridiculous and I need to get control of myself, but I need a little bit of time to crash/wallow/seeth/whatever your word choice may be. Oh No! My partner is going to think I am crazy and freak out because he doesnt understand why I am feeling this way! I hope he doesnt get upset at me, etc etc.” Even when he isnt the type to get upset at you, we begin second guessing everyone else’s reactions and worrying about what others think of us.
My solutions today:
1. Try to let go of my feelings of responsibility for everything. The world wont fall apart if I stop thinking about everything that has to get done.
2. Keep it simple. Ask for help.
3. Listen to the song that goes “And I will walk 500 miles and I will walk 500 more just to be the man that walks 1,000 to fall down at your do-oo-oo-or!” That song always puts me in a great mood 🙂
4. Pray for strength and happiness
5. Don’t rely on your significant other for all of your emotional support. Call a woman who understands unexplained craziness.
6. Step back and keep to myself for a little while for my mind to settle.
This is still a work in progress, obviously, and I dont know if you can ever totally get handle on it, but I am trying, I am on the way back up from the bottom of my wave, and I am determined to put this stupid thinking behind me.
I am open to suggestions too! Or just comments of support 🙂 Or funny jokes 🙂
PS – TGIF!