Let the Gratitude Begin ~~~

Today I woke up on the wrong side of the bed.

So I got back in that figurative bed and forced myself to wake up on the other side by looking at things I am grateful for.

I stopped at Target on my way to work and picked up the new “This Is It” CD.  In less than 10 minutes I was cruising down the highway singing and dancing to “the way you make me fe-e-el, you really turn-a me o-on” A taxi cab driver stayed right next to me and Im pretty sure he was loving my performance, haha.  I love that song! It makes me feel like Im in a movie or something (does anyone remember that movie ‘Center Stage’?)  Anyway, that is my favorite song of the day and it is making me so happy   I wish this CD had PYT on it, but in general, a great selection.  The movie is pretty good too if you are a moderate to extreme MJ fan or go with someone who is

This is the other picture that is really making my day This is my handsome soon-to-be husband (!!!) David Hawkins.  On Saturday morning I toted my DSLR camera to the beach to snap some pictures of Dave and a surfing buddy of his who will soon be moving to the wave-less shores of the Great Salt Lake.  We got in some fun shots, and afterward Dave was cold so I wrapped him in my scarf as he finished up taking some pictures of our friend on the waves.  We got up to leave and this was the great composition that I just had to catch   Very ‘GQ’ and kind of as a joke with the scarf but I think he still looks unbelievable

I still can’t get over the new words like “fiance” or “husband” or “my wedding” – or wrap my head around that I am actually picking MY wedding dress.   Other than the planning and decision making, which I am finding out isn’t really my thing, I LOVE being engaged.  We are turning into one of those obnoxious couples that I always was mega-annoyed by … we try hard not to be so I hope we’re not too bad, but we are a little bit, but we can’t help it! And it is so fun His roommates are probably getting sick of us though … oh well! I love being engaged to this man!  Can’t wait until I get to live with him and hang out with him all the time ~ only 10 weeks and change until the big day

January 23, 2010

Bird Fantasies

I just caught myself having a day dream at work – in it, Dave and I were settling into our cute new apartment and I was able to decorate it and design it just how I like.  I dont know what the name of the style is, but the same kind of style that goes with Anthropology style, Regina Specktor music and headbands with rosettes … indie trendy?  I found this on etsy.com and fell in love – seriously crossing my fingers that I can make it work in our apartment next year.

I love birds.  My love for them began when I was having a really tough semester in college and it was cold and gross outside everyday as I walked to class, but then one day, spring started.  The temperature didnt know it yet, but the birds did, and they started chattering and talking as I would walk by them up 600 East.  They gave me a new sense of childlike joy that cheered me up every day.  I would just watch and listen as I walked and it filled my soul with the healing that it needed.  I then decided, wouldnt it be nice to have a pair of birds to live with and love and adore all the time?  That’s when I discovered Zebra Finches.  Multicolored and adorable.  Today when I found that wall decal, I remembered my love for birds and began daydreaming.

If I had the space and they weren’t messy, I would get a pair just like this, and name them Pete and Richard.  Even if one was a girl …

I am DEFINITELY from Venus

You go along day by day, being happy, loving, supportive, helpful to your friends, family and co-workers, and you think “I can handle this! I am a normal, undramatic woman.  There are women out there who act crazy, but boy am I glad that I am not one of them …”

Then…

WHAM!

Overwhelmed!  Needy!  Upset!  Crying for no reason!  Stressed!  Depressed!  Ridiculous!

What happened?!

Well … you are a woman.  Simple as that.  You feel confused because life is great.  You really have no reason for feeling this way.  You are loved by many people.  You feel like you should be the happiest you have ever been.  There seems to be no connection to the hormonal calendar that people usually use as a write-off excuse. What in the world has happened?!  You think:  Do I have an anxiety disorder?!  I feel crazy!

I have recently been reading the classic “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” – if you have never picked up a copy of this book, or scoff because it is so cliche and probably doesnt have anything of value in it … think again!  It gives good descriptions of why men and women are the way they are.  It is a fun read and you think “huh, this is funny and pretty true” until the “wave” crashes and you realize, Dr. Gray is a genius and he knows me better than I know myself.

The wave theory (as summarized on Wikipedia… probably by a man)
“The “wave” is a term Gray uses to describe a natural cycle for women that is centered around their abilities to give to other people. He claims that when they feel full of love and energy to give to others their wave is in a stable place. As they give to others (and don’t receive the same amount of love and attention given to them in return) their wave begins to grow until it eventually crashes. This is a time when a woman feels she has nothing else to give to those in her life and she needs the love of those around her (including self love) to help come out of this dark place. Gray holds that once she is rejuvenated (by getting the support she needs) she is able to pop out of this dark place and once again has love and energy to give.”

The next issue, which doesnt help much, is the next thought process.  “I now recognize that I am being ridiculous and I need to get control of myself, but I need a little bit of time to crash/wallow/seeth/whatever your word choice may be.  Oh No!  My partner is going to think I am crazy and freak out because he doesnt understand why I am feeling this way!  I hope he doesnt get upset at me, etc etc.” Even when he isnt the type to get upset at you, we begin second guessing everyone else’s reactions and worrying about what others think of us.

My solutions today:

1. Try to let go of my feelings of responsibility for everything.  The world wont fall apart if I stop thinking about everything that has to get done.

2. Keep it simple.  Ask for help.

3. Listen to the song that goes “And I will walk 500 miles and I will walk 500 more just to be the man that walks 1,000 to fall down at your do-oo-oo-or!”  That song always puts me in a great mood

4. Pray for strength and happiness

5. Don’t rely on your significant other for all of your emotional support.  Call a woman who understands unexplained craziness.

6. Step back and keep to myself for a little while for my mind to settle.

This is still a work in progress, obviously, and I dont know if you can ever totally get handle on it, but I am trying, I am on the way back up from the bottom of my wave, and I am determined to put this stupid thinking behind me.

I am open to suggestions too! Or just comments of support Or funny jokes

PS – TGIF!

>>>>>>>>  

Quote of the Dave

“You’re the only person in the world who thinks I’m funny”
- David Hawkins, said with a serious tone … I laughed hysterically

Busy and Happy :)

Do you ever go through a phase when you think to yourself, wow, my life is too good to be true right now, what’s the catch?

That is how I have been feeling a lot lately – I am SO happy Possibly happier than I have ever been ever, and I am a genuinely happy person all the time so that should tell you something

1. Today is my 1 year anniversary with my job here at the USS Midway Museum. I love the people I work with and the job fits my personality almost perfectly. I get a great sense of accomplishment out of crossing things off the “to-do” list and organizing, helping, etc etc. I have recently had some huge responsibilities that I pulled off by the skin of my teeth (eew, that’s a weird chiche – click here for the origin   I feel a great sense of accomplishment and I am really growing some talents here that are really valuable.  Thanks to all at the Midway for their friendly attitudes that make it enjoyable to come to.

2.  I love my boyfriend and he loves me too   Dave has turned out to be the most pleasant surprise of my whole life.  Our courtship started out a bit awkward honestly and I wasnt sure if he was just a boring guy but there was just something about him that I had to get to know better.  He finally got fed up with me dragging my feet so he walked me to my car after a church activity one night and just said it very clearly that he would like to really try this out and spend more time together, no more of the slow awkwardness that we had been pretending was enough.  Thank goodness he finally got the guts to say something!  We’ve had our ups and little downs since, but seriously he is the greatest thing ever ever ever.  He is so great to me and I am just in awe of him most of the time.  He is so funny and quirky that he just makes me smile all the time!  So my thought that he might be just another boring finance guy was WAY off   He is so the best   PS A couple days from now will mark exactly 6 months from the day we met (he asked me out the very next day)

3. Did I mention I beat him at mini-golf the other night?  Including 2 holes-in-one in the same game!

4. Last but not least, life will always be good because I have the gospel of Jesus Christ in my life. It makes me so happy and really gives meaning to all I do every day.  It gives me the motivation to smile at strangers and be kind to those around me.  It gives me the knowledge that I can pray to a loving Heavenly Father anytime I want and because He is all-powerful-knowing-seeing-everything He listens and cares.  When I do the things that I know are right, I feel that love from Him (and His Son) so intensely that I cant help but feel so incredibly happy

And since I always say that every blog post needs a good picture, Here are Dave and I at the USS Midway 2009 Gala that was on September 5th (I worked my tail off and everything went so smoothly! I got to enjoy the rest of the evening with my hott date

Downtown Lifestyle

I am definitely having a fun time enjoying my life here in San Diego, where much of my time is spent in this area of downtown (my workplace would be visible if this picture were shifted slightly to the left).  As many of you know, I live in North County and take a “Commuter Express” – which saves me gas money, helps the environment, and takes away the stress of having to navigate through heavy commuter traffic.  On occasion I even take a nap on my way to or from work (about a 40 minute ride) if I haven’t had enough sleep, it is great

Yesterday, I needed to get the heels on my work shoes replaced (my favorite pointed toe pumps, black croc skin – they are beginning to look a little tattered but I love them too much to part with them) so I walked up Broadway, into the heart of downtown San Diego – past Horton Plaza and the NBC building, a couple blocks up to my favorite shoe repair shop, “American Shoe Repair.”  Upon arrival, I find that it has been closed and the windows and door boarded up … with a homeless guy sleeping right in front of the door.  There I am, leaning over him to try to see where the shop has moved to, but the sign didn’t make much sense so I gave up.

So I stand and wait for my bus, and next to American Shoe Repair is one of the several Tattoo parlors in this area.  A guy who looks like he was an employee, looked me up and down while I was leaning against the urban store front, pointed heels, saucy red shirt and hair pulled back with my big sunglasses and says “hello … you’re beautiful” and just keeps on walking, then ducks into his tattoo lair.  Just for a visual, he could have been one of these guys:

So I went back home, freshened up and headed out to meet up with some gals that I was best friends with my junior year of High School.  Most of our birthdays are within 2 weeks of each other (there are 4 of us) so we wanted to have our mini-reunion right around birthday time.  To celebrate, we went to The Shout House, again in downtown.

It was a great time – a dueling piano bar is definitely a place to go for that.  You sing/dance along, laugh along, and make a conscious effort not to cringe at the vulgarity, and just enjoy yourself regardless, making friends with strangers, cheering people on as they dance/sing/get mocked on stage, and feeling closer with your friends even if you’re not necessarily talking

So I wouldnt do it every day, but it was just another fun/funny day that makes me grateful for all of my experiences in this path I have chosen to take for now.  I am getting to see and learn many things, all with a smile on my face and keeping my head up.  All a day in the life of this working girl

Sorry it has been so long …

I have been super busy with work and play – I never get on a computer except when I am at work because I look at one all day.

Work is great.  I am grateful to have a job that is within in my field of work (museum administration) and even though it sometimes gets busy, overwhelming, or monotonous (or all 3), I am grateful for my source of income and my coworkers

My family is great – I am realizing how glad I actually am to be living with my parents.  Besides the obvious benefit of saving money, I learn a lot from them, they help me with things that I don’t have much time to do (time consuming car accident details, etc.) and it is fun to have them be involved with my life.  I really think I will look back at this time in my life as a great blessing of being close to my family (especially when siblings come to visit).  Short side note – we are having an impromptu family reunion this next week – when there are 8 kids, many of which have spouses and kids of their own, the numbers quickly add up.  Long story short, there will be some nights with over 20 people eating and sleeping at my house soon — I will be sleeping at my high school best friend’s house around the block

The number one reason that I have been busy?  Dave is contending to be the best boyfriend ever   And just to make you all roll your eyes at our happy smiling faces, here you go

SO I don’t update my blog often enough, obviously, but I love to get personal emails from people while I am at work, so please feel free to send me a note   I will get back to you pretty quickly – you probably trump priorities on check deposits or event registration … maybe even both

Honestly, who are these people??

Life is great

I just got back from a quick weekend/Easter trip to Utah to visit some friends before they all start spreading out around the world or doing other big things (like having babies).  I wanted to catch them all in one spot

The weekend was good, odd, but good. I got to see mostly everyone that I wanted to (minus a couple of old roommates next time girls, I hope) and even some that I hadn’t planned on.  Not once, but TWICE I was chided for not updating my blog in the last 5 weeks (shout out to Jason and Dave), and since the last post sounded somewhat whiney, I was a bit embarassed. But the truth of the matter is that I decided to turn my life around.  Coming from some pretty bad experiences, I decided that I needed to remodel my life and attitude   Things are now great   I am still working on many parts to achieve my goal of where I want to be in my happiness, but I think that’s what life always is

So the point of this blog is a short update that life is great and I have had some ideas for some blog posts that I would like to write, coming soon!

Oh and my original question — I looked on my WordPress Dashboard today and it says that my last post got 44 views, maybe 2/3 of those are people looking at my blog again to see if I had anything new, but that is about 10 times as many views as I thought my blog had … Honestly, who are these people?!

And because every post needs a good picture:

I feel like a Robot

I wake up in the morning and transform myself to look professional.  I board a mass transit vehicle with many other robots dressed up in suits to go to work stations.  Since they’ll give me a buck for every few minutes of work, I do it.  (Luckily I have great robot friends at work too that make it enjoyable).  I take the mass transporter home, to get into my small robotic vehicle and make my way around and through all of the others to get back to the box i live in, within a row of other boxes.  I then go to the gym to make sure that my robotic body will keep working for many years to come … why? So that I can keep doing the same robotic things I am doing.  Somewhere within these hours I have to remember to refuel.  Then evening comes and I lay in bed to recharge my battery so I can get up and do the same thing over again.

My life really isnt as pessimistic as this possibly sounds, but the philosophy of it all is interesting.  What do I really want to do with my life?  If I can be utterly honest for a moment, without sounding weird like some people assume it to be: I want to get married.  I want to have a family.  I realize every month or so – while my robotic life is often enjoyable and really is just fine (most of the time), what am I doing to move it forward toward the goals that I really want to have?  I go to church and lots of activities, but it seems that these days, people don’t meet people like they used to. A guy will ask for a phone number, and then what does he do with it? Send some texts then slack and not do anything.  What was the point of that?  I feel like when I am doing what I am supposed to be doing – dedicating myself to work, trying to eat healthier and exercise more, do the routine spiritual things, my life turns into a more routine machine itself, even though this is what I am technically “supposed to” be doing.  Where’s the spontaneity people!?

Like I said, my life is really fun and I and happier now than I have been in the last 5 months, but I have really started pondering life philosophies so this is one that maybe doesn’t even have an answer.

And I wont even start with the philosophy what I feel is one of my main desires in life – the whole starting a family thing but with experiences in the last 6 months that i have had, plus the list i have discovered of women I know whose husbands are leaving them for other women … do I really even want to do that? No matter how much you know or love someone, it seems to be such a gamble.  But I’m not even going to go there …

My First Give Away!

Lucky you!

The first five people to respond to this post will get something made by me, Tammy! My choice. For you.  If there are more than five, I will probably include you too

This offer does have some restrictions and limitations:
1- I make no guarantees that you will like what I make!
2- What I create will be just for you.
3- It’ll be done this year. (might be a little while)
4- You have no clue what it’s going to be.
It may be a story. It may be poetry or an article on properly cleaning your face before a masque. I may draw or paint something. I may bake you something and mail it to you. Who knows? Not you, that’s for sure!
5- I reserve the right to do something extremely strange. (this was written on the post I copied and pasted here…I’m not sure I’ll be able to think of something extremely strange).

The catch? Oh, the catch is that you must repost this on your blog and offer the same to the first 5 people who do the same on your blog.The first 5 people to do so and leave a comment telling me they did win a FAB-U-LOUS homemade gift by me! Oh, and be sure to post a picture of what you win when you get it!